How do you handle smackdowns? Between siblings? Your child bestfriends? His good pals from schools who comes over for an afternoon of tussle? Or perhaps those children he met at the playground? Im exasperated, trying to find a neutral ground to tone down his whining and sometimes making the situation a learning experience. I ask myself, at 3+ does he really understand when I try to reason why a little hitting and smacking is perfectly fine in a boy's world. Or those number of push he's receiving is just a small lesson/insight to the bigger falls he will receive in life.
How do you handle bullies?
Especially bullies who happen to be his best friends and/or neighbours he meet often? Do you take your child side because he's clearly younger or in the right? How do you tackle playground bullies?
Are they both the same issue? Or perhaps finding the answer to one will give me the reply to the other? I lost my top ysterday with a (local) kid who was seen chasing Harris around the playground just so he could pinch, kick and push him. Harris the sometime quaint Asian kid he is, allow the situation to happen repeatedly. I intercepted by extracting Harris away from the playground for 10minutes. I notice that the kid was supervised by his mum who was close on hand but didnt stop the situation. It happen again the moment Harris rejoin the playground, infact on closer notice, he is hell bend on picking on Harris only (the only Asian kid). I acted on part motherly impulse and part sheer discrimination anger by screaming at the kid, then pointing to his burqa clad mum for an apology.She verbally squeak a lame apology so I made her half drag her squeeling screaming son to Harris for a proper, lets shake on that apology. Its amazing what sign language can achieve in the absence of language.
There seems no balance in teaching your kid to protect himself in your absence. He is taught not to resort to fighting, yet is it permissable if he retort out of defense? He is taught to show kindness to stranger, but when push comes to shove? We taught him to walk away from a situation that he has no control in, but I hate it when he comes running to me, with unshed brimming tears, knowing he should be out there standing for his rights.
What is the life lesson you impart to your child/children? How do you tackle smackdowns?
Wednesday 18 June 2008
Smackdowns - Handling them
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3 comments:
Yes I have encountered this before! Arab kids can be really rough at play. Did I tell you that when we were in-transit at Doha Airport, a kid about Izani's age came to play and he pinched izani's mouth till it bled? He saw me coming when Izani cried and ran away to his father. His father didnt even apologize and I didnt pursue it coz I was more focused on comforting Izani. I explained to Izani that the boy was "Not Nice", so that at least he knows what happened to him was not acceptable.
With the older kids, I told them to make a stand. If a kid is a bully (verbally or physically), just tell him/her off and then walk away and dont play with him/her anymore. I always tell them that there's nothing wrong with playing alone if it comes down to that. Nothing is worth getting bullied over.
I make sure they know that hitting is wrong (Tapi kan, kalau diorang naughty, kena pukul dengan ayah, so how?).
My arab lady friends thinks it's okay to hit back though. They say "you must let the child take the revenge, it will make them feel better". I thought this gave an interesting insight on what's happening in this region..
Blood involved - I would probably have called airport security (hehe).
But stop there lah,coz Im only cry wolf type & I dont believe in hitting back. Especially if its just verbal abuse unless of course boy-girl situation of sexual physical harrassment. But Norhan taught him, give the other party a chance. It could be a harmless get out of my way shove so only if the other party goes out of his/her way to hit him again the second time, Harris is taught to "slam dunk" then run to us.
Sadly not all bullies now are boys. Here the girls pun nauzibilah.
It's hard to be Switzerland in this issue, whichever way I look at it, I think I will somehow give Harris the wrong advice.I mean being here, with the Nauzibilah kids here and against my better judgement as Asians & Melayu.
So what about your kids squabbling? how do you punish them or take sides..?
i use the time out/naughty spot method. Kids who hit (irregardless of who starts the fight) will get a time out. Kids who intentionally start a fight gets a time out.
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