Wean or Lose?

When I moved to Saudi and became a full time stay at home mom and found out I was pregnant with my fourth child, I told myself that I would try my very best to fully breastfeed this one. I mean, I didnt have to go to work, I'd be with the baby 24 by 7, it was the best situation and opportunity to do it.
Even though Izani was fed with both breastmilk and formula the first few months (the bottle was a back-up plan, "just in case"), in the end I managed to fully breastfeed him. Somehow one day he decided that he didnt want anything from the bottle. Whenever I tried to give him the bottle, he'd take a lick of the latex nipple and he'd make a face and push it out with his tongue. After a few days, I gave up trying and packed the bottles in the sterilizer and put it away in one corner of the storeroom.
It felt like quite an achievement to be able to fully breastfeed Izani. It was definitely convenient. I finally had extra space in my handbag. I never needed to mix formula. When he needed milk, all I needed to do was lift up my shirt and there would be milk! (Wearing long flowy headscarves also helped me to be discreet). I could feed him anytime, anywhere. Sometimes even in the weirdest and unexpected places - I fed him while we were hanging high on the Eye on Malaysia, while watching sulphuric gases billow up from the sleeping volcanic pits of Tangkuban Perahu, in front of the Ka'abah, in the middle of the desert, in the middle of magical iris fields in the middle of the desert, on the second floor of the double decker bus touring Florence, in the Roman Colloseum, in Vatican City, deep in the jungles of Taman Negara, near the Sphinx and Pyramids... sometimes I feel I really spoil him. Since he also needs to nurse to sleep, and just nursing him while *I* sleep is easier, he also ends up sleeping with me.
When he turned 18 months, I started planning to wean him. Not because I was tired of breastfeeding him, but because we were planning to go to Hajj, and I can't bear thinking of leaving him behind if he still needs me (or rather, my mammary glands) and I think it would be risky to bring a small child to such a crowded place. I asked around for tips on how to start weaning. I received a lot of advice. Some funny ones, like putting red stuff on your blinkers and prentending they were bleeding to put him off. I didn't dare try that one.
Even with all the advice though, somehow I was reluctant to start weaning. I mean, I enjoyed the closeness, the feeling of being needed. I was a little worried. Will I lose that when I wean him? Will I miss him nuzzling under my armpit in the middle of the night? Will he resent me for no longer feeding him from my own body? Will we be this close ever again?

One day I got a visit from Ruby, who told me how she weaned off her son.

She used the cold turkey method.
Her son usually takes milk from the bottle during the day, so her only obstacle was weaning him off at night. Her husband took a few days off from work, and for several nights in a row, he and son slept together, away from the mother. Of course her son cried, asking for milk to comfort him to sleep, but eventually her son found another way to get to sleep and now he is totally weaned off. Ruby assured me that the child will not feel resentment towards the mom and that they both can build the closeness in other ways.

Motivated by this, I decided to start.
I decided to start with reintroducing the bottle to Izani. I took out all the bottles from storage, cleaned them and bought a small can of formula (oh my god.. I didnt realize how expensive they have become!). I started with only 30mls of milk and had it available around the house and tried to coax izani to drink it. I told him how yummy it was, and how fun sucking from a latex teat was.
It did not work!
He took a suck, made a face, threw the bottle aside and headed for my boobs. I wasted bottles and bottles of milk that would just end up going sour.
Then I decided to make him go to sleep on his own. My husband can't take off from work, so I decided to try over the weekend. It was horrible! He cried and cried and cried for me. He'd tug at my nightshirt trying to get to the source of comfort that he knew was under it. He'd plead "peas? peas? peas?" (please), which just breaks my heart. He'd scream and protest. When I try to give him the bottle, he'd scream "NO!" and throw it across the room. At one point he would fall asleep exhausted from crying, but only to wake up about an hour later, again crying and begging and then screaming for milk. I'd have to get out of bed and rock him to sleep in the living room, where he would sleep for like 5 minutes then wake up again asking for milk. Sleep deprived, I gave in, and the whole house could sleep peacefully again.
I almost gave up, but I didn't.
I continued with trying to get him to drink milk from the bottle. After several weeks of seeing it lying around, he finally got used to it, and one day decided to try it. The first night he finished 90ml of milk before bed, we whooped and cheered and congratulated him. We also found a nifty trick to make him want his milk. We made as if we were going to give it to his bigger sister Anis (who would act all excited to get milk in a bottle), he'd get jealous and all possesive and would insist on the bottle. tee hee.
Now the hard part is to not to breastfeed him.
Since I was always around, it was really difficult for him to ignore the lure of the breastmilk. He knows it's there. He knows he can get it. So i decided to just say no and stay firm. I knew that if I give in, all my efforts would go to waste.
You did not want to be in my house the first few days when I did this. There was a lot of screaming and crying. If my neighbours heard Izani, they would've have thought that he was in pain or something. He begged and plead for milk and I would say No, and try to give him his bottle. He would say no and the pleas would escalate to screams. I would say No and try to give him his bottle again. He would say No, grab the bottle, throw it across the room, then go after it and kick it, just to show how much he detested the thing. He would then scream and tug at my shirt. I would stand my ground and say No, and he would get really angry and start hitting me or banging his head into my side. I kept my cool by going to a happy place in my head and to not get angry at him. I just sat quietly with my arms across my chest, sitting in a foetal position so that he cant reach what he wants. After a while he'd calm down and I could distract him with other stuff, a favourite movie, some cereal, or rice and chicken.
Then came night time. I made sure he finished his dinner, chasing him around the dining room AND the living room to feed him, if that's what it takes. I made sure there was a bottle of milk always ready for him to drink before bed. In the afternoon I made him go out to play with his big brothers, so I knew he would at least be tired, if not full. Just like during the day, there was a lot of crying and begging and screaming and I did the same thing. I turned my back and literally ignored him. I felt so bad about having to do that, but I knew it had to be done. It turned out that it was so difficult afterall. Perhaps it was becuase he was full, or perhaps it was because he was tired, he didnt throw a tantrum for long before he fell asleep on his own.
This went on for a few days, and finally he started to get the picture. No more suckling with me. He started to drink more from the bottle. He'd get very clingy, always whining to be picked up and held, but I take this as a transition phase. Some nights he'd wake up in the middle of the night, crying and reaching for me, but I'd just hug him and pat him back to sleep. These past few nights he has started sleeping through the night, Alhamdulillah. Sometimes he forgets and comes sit in my lap, touch my chest and ask "susu?" looking up at me with his doe eyes and a pleading smile on his lips, but I would smile back and say "No.. Izani big boy now" and distract him with something else and he'd be okay.

Have I lost the closeness?
I dont think so. He's become more affectionate with me now. Climbing on my back and hugging me. Holding my face with both of his tiny hands and voluntarily kissing me. He has even learnt to say "I Love You". (Which is *so* cute.. i really should take a video of it one of these days).
Weaning isn't so bad after all :)

Would you like to share your experience?

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Allowance - Yes/No?

What are your experiences and views on allowances? My husband would like to start giving our 3yr old allowance since he has started Sunday school but Im against it. For now, he has “monopoly” (we make) money for his maths, understanding values and the moral of it. Anything else above that, what would the money be for? Im open as gradual move, nearing our home vacation. So as to build anticipation, purchase presents for folks back home or keepsake during our holiday.
At what age does your kid get their allowances? Do they get extra during weekends? And more for helping out with chores?


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*Hush* Baby Sleeping

Further to Elisa B.E.D
I have an entry on creating creative meal for your kid. Other cooking suggestions for soya beans-I make Begedel Tahu (Tofu Patties), Sliced tempe thinly so it turn into chips like texture, include nuts in his lunchbox or sprinkle over yoghurt. Harris (3+) has no problem with B.E.D (alhamdullilah) just choosy on certain B (he loves Eggs and Dairy).

Nocturnal and/or Late Sleepers.

Since birth, we practice bedtime routine, like clockwork we both would retreat to bedroom, dim light and put infant Harris to sleep. So I never had problem till we move here (GMT + 3). It took him 6months to get adjusted and we would go on drives around the neighborhood just to get him to sleep. Scientifically it’s proven that the lull and motion of driving puts kids to sleep. We also practice below:
• Bed time rituals : develop habits. Cease all hyper, new toy introduction, conversations, tv to a stop few hours to bedtime. Play quiet games or a simple activity that is monotonous and boring. Then leading to bedtime, ritualistic timetable eg brush teeth, read, tuck, kisses and nite.

• Environment : Like us, they need a cosy environment. Night light, comfortable bedding, location, favourite sleeping toy, dark room.

• Praises and Chart : Bestow praises and encouragement the next morning on the achieved bedtime of previous night. Plot chart and reward accordingly – this works like miracle in our household.

• Establish daytime routines: consistent meal, playtime, walks with you will allow him to have the downtime or wind-down moments when you are ready to put him down.

• Consistency: His waking up time need to be consistent at all times, only when this is achieved will the sleeping time be easier. Makes sense right.

But having said all the above, I still have a difficult (initial) 1week when we go home for vacation or in a country of another different time zone. Im a walking zombie surviving on coffee during these times – anyone has tips for me?


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How to Handle Picky Eaters?

Rotidua's post about her picky eaters inspired me to write this.
I think Rotidua is not alone in her dillema, right?
Come on, don't be shy, spill the beans... !
Okay let me start with mine:

Ilham - he's 10 and he is starting to explore new foods. He is beginning to eat vegetables, but only lettuce and cucumber. He likes curries, and fried fish or chicken, but most of the time it's just that with rice, no vegetables at all. Loves eggs cooked any way, but especially sunny side up with the yolk slightly runny so that he can form a 'lava flow' on his volcanic mound of rice.

Ihsan - is going to be 9 in october and he eats plain white rice, with NOTHING. Not even soy sauce. Sometimes he'd take fried fish. What he likes most is crabs, but I can't afford to have that every day. Would not touch a vegetable with a ten-foot pole. Loves eggs cooked any way but sunny side up.

Anis - is 6 in March and is more adventurous, but again, no veggies. If I make fried rice or meehon with shredded or tiny pieces of vegetables in them, she would painstakingly pick them out and put it aside. She complains about eating rice everyday, but she loves masak lemak (Coconut milk gravy) and crispy fried chicken (especially the skin). Also loves eggs cooked any way but sunny side up.

Izani - is 2 in April. He is my star vegetable eater. He loves the crunchy carrots and cucumber. Likes to try anything or everything, but if he doesnt like it, he just spits it out anywhere, anytime he likes. Does not like fried eggs, but does not mind omelletes or scrambled eggs. Izani is very difficult to feed though. If I try to feed him, he'd say he wants to eat on his own, but when I leave him to eat on his own, he plays with his food (he's 2, whatdya expect?).



If I let my kids have their way, they would choose to eat cake, fries and candy all day.

What I've learned so far with my kids are these ...



Lead by example
If they see you enjoying various types of food, they will eventually (hopefully) will want to try them too. Try to make a show of how yummy certain foods are. If you're shy, you can even restrict passionate gastronomic responses to the privacy of your own home. But you'll soon see that your kids will start to like foods that they see you like.
This 'education' can start as early as while they're still in your tummy! I found that because I ate a lot of salads when I was pregnant with Izani, he was not averse to eating vegetables.
Unfortunately, kids pick up your bad habits too. Like my need to eat everything with something crunchy, be it keropok or twisties.

Introduce new foods gradually
Taste is acquired, so if you want to introduce something new, do it bit by bit, gradually. Have them try it at first, then when they have acquired the taste, you can increase the frequency of that dish, or introduce the ingredients into other dishes. This works with spices as well.

Find out what they like
This is probably the first thing that your mother (or other mothers) would ask your children when they're not eating: "What do you like?". It usually ticks me off when people go out of their way to prepare something my kids like when I am trying to teach them not to be so picky, but I have found that the information I gather here could be useful. How? *points to the next item*

Hide the veggies!
My kids like cucur udang (prawn fritters). So instead of making plain cucur udang, I shred carrots, sweet potatoes, scallions, parsley, etc etc into them. Another good way to hide veggies is inside tomato sauce (for pasta) or cheese (but some kids dont really like cheese) (Not my kids!). Or you can go the extra mile and do what Jerry Se1nfeld's wife did - puree her veggies and put them into brownies and cookies. (Get more ideas here - http://www.deceptivelydelicious.com). I can easily see her ideas modified into some kind of cucur, or masala vade, or kuih talam.

Explain nutrition
I usually would ask them what they would like to eat, but I'd usually veto some of their choices and I would tell them why. "Candy gives you cavities", "Chips are not healthy food", "You need vegetables to make you smart", etc etc. I am hoping that by telling them why, I could at least education them on what is healthy and what is not, and this would guide them on what foods to eat when I am not around to choose it for them.

Keep treats as really special treats
Don't make junk food as part of their diet. Don't put chips or candy in their lunchbox. Make it a once in a while thing, so that they don't develop the habit of eating it all the time and confusing them with regular food. Make sure they know the difference, by saving it as a treat. Make sure they know it's a special treat, and you cannot eat it ALL the time.

I can't say that all of the above are sure fire tips. But I do try and have had a few small successes. I think good eating habits is a learning process, and all we can do as parents is try to teach them and expose them as much as we can.
I remembr when I was younger that I hated vegetables too, but as I grew up, i developed a taste for them and can't have a meal without them (but then again that may be due to age.. can you say 'constipation'?)

Would love to hear your stories on this topic!

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