Smackdowns - Handling them

How do you handle smackdowns? Between siblings? Your child bestfriends? His good pals from schools who comes over for an afternoon of tussle? Or perhaps those children he met at the playground? Im exasperated, trying to find a neutral ground to tone down his whining and sometimes making the situation a learning experience. I ask myself, at 3+ does he really understand when I try to reason why a little hitting and smacking is perfectly fine in a boy's world. Or those number of push he's receiving is just a small lesson/insight to the bigger falls he will receive in life.

How do you handle bullies?
Especially bullies who happen to be his best friends and/or neighbours he meet often? Do you take your child side because he's clearly younger or in the right? How do you tackle playground bullies?

Are they both the same issue? Or perhaps finding the answer to one will give me the reply to the other? I lost my top ysterday with a (local) kid who was seen chasing Harris around the playground just so he could pinch, kick and push him. Harris the sometime quaint Asian kid he is, allow the situation to happen repeatedly. I intercepted by extracting Harris away from the playground for 10minutes. I notice that the kid was supervised by his mum who was close on hand but didnt stop the situation. It happen again the moment Harris rejoin the playground, infact on closer notice, he is hell bend on picking on Harris only (the only Asian kid). I acted on part motherly impulse and part sheer discrimination anger by screaming at the kid, then pointing to his burqa clad mum for an apology.She verbally squeak a lame apology so I made her half drag her squeeling screaming son to Harris for a proper, lets shake on that apology. Its amazing what sign language can achieve in the absence of language.
There seems no balance in teaching your kid to protect himself in your absence. He is taught not to resort to fighting, yet is it permissable if he retort out of defense? He is taught to show kindness to stranger, but when push comes to shove? We taught him to walk away from a situation that he has no control in, but I hate it when he comes running to me, with unshed brimming tears, knowing he should be out there standing for his rights.

What is the life lesson you impart to your child/children? How do you tackle smackdowns?
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