Mum, I can write

Personally I don’t put a direct emphasize on writing skills for toddlers. It is more important for a child to learn his alphabets and numbers as soon as he can memorize in accurate detail. I would rather see my child reading at 2.5yrs even if by memory of his books sequence than reciting every pop song and ad commercial.

However as my principal corrected me, a child need to discover, utilize and develop his motor skills in preparation for his school years. And she is half right there. It is not important to prepare a child for writing is he/she does not recognize what he/she is writing.

Im listing what Ive done with my son and a few kids (during summer for a month), please note that they are purely subjective and you should use them in whatever order that works on your child. You know your child best.


Hand Discovery – Start off with finger painting, hand painting, finger puppet. Move on to crayons, color pencils and magic markers. Be free with doodles, squiggles, interpretation. Make an effort to print or purchase coloring books of his present cartoon favorite. Spend quality bonding time, sprawled on the carpet, in the park, making a mess at the dining table – doing together things of coloring.

Holding it right – As you progress and move along, correct him on the right way of holding the color pencil/crayon/markers.

Set Time and Keeping it Short – Have a set time for doing this, they actually do thrive on a schedule and although it won’t always work out, having a set time for learning will give them something to look forward to. Yet keep the lessons short before their attention span wears out, put a stop.

Charts and Trace – Make your own or Purchase if you have to, big alphabet and number charts. Somehow I incorporate identifying, learning and writing with this. At different times of the day, I would point to an alphabet/number, do a trace with my finger and say the alphabet/number aloud. Children would always mimic back, even the most boisterous one.


Notebook – Build up anticipation; make a huge deal of buying him his first doodle pad. Preferably one with his present favorite cartoon. Or purchase stickers and turn a plain doodle pad to a colorful personalized pad. Let him document whatever he fancies, in terms of drawing, sticking bits of papers, etc. You might have to go through 4-5 doodle pads but eventually you will see some form of stick human figures, odd shapes, and eventually alphabets and numbers.

ps: to date, we have at least 53 doodle pads since Harris started writing at 3. And counting each week.

Ready or Not – You are the judge. I started with printing out handwriting worksheets that they will have to trace. Have fun with this, when your child traces a letter accurately make this a huge deal, shout “YEAH!” do a little jiggle, clap your hands, reward him with stickers, draw a colorful star (this is what I do for students). Your child will be ready to do the next one and hear the joy his parents emit with his every success.

Advance – once your child masters the handwriting worksheets, you can move along to writing free hand. Be patient. Boys generally scrawl, don’t correct them with each stroke although the temptation is killing you. Let your child learn the basic and move along slowly in correcting and attempting legible writing.
I have sets of notebooks with lines for writing & number skills alone, along with printed worksheets with no guided lines. I expect him to be able to switch from writing on lines, guided line and free hand.

In conclusion, your child is ready to write as soon as he is able to hold pencil/pen/colors/crayons. Age is not a factor. You are your child’s first writing (and reading) teacher. By making the process fun, you’ll set the stage for a lifetime of learning adventures.

Handwritting Worksheets - here
Handwritting for Kids - here

 

Read more on "Mum, I can write" ...

Make your own - Playdough (Play-Do)

Make your own playdough with existing ingredients you (may)already have in the kitchen. In my opinion they are better than store bought as you control the amount of chemical, colour and fragrant to it.

The kids can help too. There are other ways of making playdough without cooking, but for me cooking them seems to make the playdough much smoother and softer.


Basic ingredient ratios:
2 cups flour
2 cups warm water
1 cup salt
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon cream of tartar (optional for improved elasticity)
Others :
food coloring (liquid or powder)
Optional :
scented oils

Mix all of the ingredients together, and stir over low heat. The dough will begin to thicken until it resembles mashed potatoes.

When the dough pulls away from the sides and clumps in the center, as shown below, remove the pan from heat and allow the dough to cool enough to handle.


IMPORTANT NOTE: if your playdough is still sticky, you simply need to cook it longer! Keep stirring and cooking until the dough is dry and feels like playdough.
Turn the dough out onto a clean counter or silicone mat, and knead vigorously until it becomes silky-smooth. Divide the dough into balls for coloring.

Make a hole in the center of the ball (it will look like a volcano), and drop some food coloring1 in. Fold the dough over, working the food color through the body of the playdough.

Work the dye through, adding more as necessary to achieve your chosen color. Store remains or extras in air tight container.


Have Fun!


Read more on "Make your own - Playdough (Play-Do)" ...

Letting It All Hang Out

There are certain parenthood nightmares that we rarely discuss for fear of putting ourselves and where we are coming from, on the line, risking our parental skills be judged and hurled with criticisms. We would rarely let our dirty habits hang out to dry, and as parents we tend to salve the mischief that "kids these days" get up to with, "ah, their just being kids".

But what do you do when out of the blue you discover that your children enjoy fondling their jewels for pleasure. My readings explicate that it is normal for toddlers to explore their bodies for many different reasons. Some to relax, some, God forbids, do it to emulate what they have seen their parents' do some merely experimenting with their body parts.



Many faculties advise against reprimanding kids who "wank themselves silly". Kids should not be denied their sexuality. They should not be taught to stop themselves from feeling things controlled by their senses. Instead we ought to make it clear that such behavior is inappropriate when done in public.

In Islam, as far as I have checked through my readings, it is prohibited. What would you do if you learn that your child has a secret habit such as this?

Read More on this subject:
exploring down there
dr. greene's opinion

Read more on "Letting It All Hang Out" ...

Smackdowns - Handling them

How do you handle smackdowns? Between siblings? Your child bestfriends? His good pals from schools who comes over for an afternoon of tussle? Or perhaps those children he met at the playground? Im exasperated, trying to find a neutral ground to tone down his whining and sometimes making the situation a learning experience. I ask myself, at 3+ does he really understand when I try to reason why a little hitting and smacking is perfectly fine in a boy's world. Or those number of push he's receiving is just a small lesson/insight to the bigger falls he will receive in life.

How do you handle bullies?
Especially bullies who happen to be his best friends and/or neighbours he meet often? Do you take your child side because he's clearly younger or in the right? How do you tackle playground bullies?

Are they both the same issue? Or perhaps finding the answer to one will give me the reply to the other? I lost my top ysterday with a (local) kid who was seen chasing Harris around the playground just so he could pinch, kick and push him. Harris the sometime quaint Asian kid he is, allow the situation to happen repeatedly. I intercepted by extracting Harris away from the playground for 10minutes. I notice that the kid was supervised by his mum who was close on hand but didnt stop the situation. It happen again the moment Harris rejoin the playground, infact on closer notice, he is hell bend on picking on Harris only (the only Asian kid). I acted on part motherly impulse and part sheer discrimination anger by screaming at the kid, then pointing to his burqa clad mum for an apology.She verbally squeak a lame apology so I made her half drag her squeeling screaming son to Harris for a proper, lets shake on that apology. Its amazing what sign language can achieve in the absence of language.
There seems no balance in teaching your kid to protect himself in your absence. He is taught not to resort to fighting, yet is it permissable if he retort out of defense? He is taught to show kindness to stranger, but when push comes to shove? We taught him to walk away from a situation that he has no control in, but I hate it when he comes running to me, with unshed brimming tears, knowing he should be out there standing for his rights.

What is the life lesson you impart to your child/children? How do you tackle smackdowns?
Read more on "Smackdowns - Handling them" ...

Wean or Lose?

When I moved to Saudi and became a full time stay at home mom and found out I was pregnant with my fourth child, I told myself that I would try my very best to fully breastfeed this one. I mean, I didnt have to go to work, I'd be with the baby 24 by 7, it was the best situation and opportunity to do it.
Even though Izani was fed with both breastmilk and formula the first few months (the bottle was a back-up plan, "just in case"), in the end I managed to fully breastfeed him. Somehow one day he decided that he didnt want anything from the bottle. Whenever I tried to give him the bottle, he'd take a lick of the latex nipple and he'd make a face and push it out with his tongue. After a few days, I gave up trying and packed the bottles in the sterilizer and put it away in one corner of the storeroom.
It felt like quite an achievement to be able to fully breastfeed Izani. It was definitely convenient. I finally had extra space in my handbag. I never needed to mix formula. When he needed milk, all I needed to do was lift up my shirt and there would be milk! (Wearing long flowy headscarves also helped me to be discreet). I could feed him anytime, anywhere. Sometimes even in the weirdest and unexpected places - I fed him while we were hanging high on the Eye on Malaysia, while watching sulphuric gases billow up from the sleeping volcanic pits of Tangkuban Perahu, in front of the Ka'abah, in the middle of the desert, in the middle of magical iris fields in the middle of the desert, on the second floor of the double decker bus touring Florence, in the Roman Colloseum, in Vatican City, deep in the jungles of Taman Negara, near the Sphinx and Pyramids... sometimes I feel I really spoil him. Since he also needs to nurse to sleep, and just nursing him while *I* sleep is easier, he also ends up sleeping with me.
When he turned 18 months, I started planning to wean him. Not because I was tired of breastfeeding him, but because we were planning to go to Hajj, and I can't bear thinking of leaving him behind if he still needs me (or rather, my mammary glands) and I think it would be risky to bring a small child to such a crowded place. I asked around for tips on how to start weaning. I received a lot of advice. Some funny ones, like putting red stuff on your blinkers and prentending they were bleeding to put him off. I didn't dare try that one.
Even with all the advice though, somehow I was reluctant to start weaning. I mean, I enjoyed the closeness, the feeling of being needed. I was a little worried. Will I lose that when I wean him? Will I miss him nuzzling under my armpit in the middle of the night? Will he resent me for no longer feeding him from my own body? Will we be this close ever again?

One day I got a visit from Ruby, who told me how she weaned off her son.

She used the cold turkey method.
Her son usually takes milk from the bottle during the day, so her only obstacle was weaning him off at night. Her husband took a few days off from work, and for several nights in a row, he and son slept together, away from the mother. Of course her son cried, asking for milk to comfort him to sleep, but eventually her son found another way to get to sleep and now he is totally weaned off. Ruby assured me that the child will not feel resentment towards the mom and that they both can build the closeness in other ways.

Motivated by this, I decided to start.
I decided to start with reintroducing the bottle to Izani. I took out all the bottles from storage, cleaned them and bought a small can of formula (oh my god.. I didnt realize how expensive they have become!). I started with only 30mls of milk and had it available around the house and tried to coax izani to drink it. I told him how yummy it was, and how fun sucking from a latex teat was.
It did not work!
He took a suck, made a face, threw the bottle aside and headed for my boobs. I wasted bottles and bottles of milk that would just end up going sour.
Then I decided to make him go to sleep on his own. My husband can't take off from work, so I decided to try over the weekend. It was horrible! He cried and cried and cried for me. He'd tug at my nightshirt trying to get to the source of comfort that he knew was under it. He'd plead "peas? peas? peas?" (please), which just breaks my heart. He'd scream and protest. When I try to give him the bottle, he'd scream "NO!" and throw it across the room. At one point he would fall asleep exhausted from crying, but only to wake up about an hour later, again crying and begging and then screaming for milk. I'd have to get out of bed and rock him to sleep in the living room, where he would sleep for like 5 minutes then wake up again asking for milk. Sleep deprived, I gave in, and the whole house could sleep peacefully again.
I almost gave up, but I didn't.
I continued with trying to get him to drink milk from the bottle. After several weeks of seeing it lying around, he finally got used to it, and one day decided to try it. The first night he finished 90ml of milk before bed, we whooped and cheered and congratulated him. We also found a nifty trick to make him want his milk. We made as if we were going to give it to his bigger sister Anis (who would act all excited to get milk in a bottle), he'd get jealous and all possesive and would insist on the bottle. tee hee.
Now the hard part is to not to breastfeed him.
Since I was always around, it was really difficult for him to ignore the lure of the breastmilk. He knows it's there. He knows he can get it. So i decided to just say no and stay firm. I knew that if I give in, all my efforts would go to waste.
You did not want to be in my house the first few days when I did this. There was a lot of screaming and crying. If my neighbours heard Izani, they would've have thought that he was in pain or something. He begged and plead for milk and I would say No, and try to give him his bottle. He would say no and the pleas would escalate to screams. I would say No and try to give him his bottle again. He would say No, grab the bottle, throw it across the room, then go after it and kick it, just to show how much he detested the thing. He would then scream and tug at my shirt. I would stand my ground and say No, and he would get really angry and start hitting me or banging his head into my side. I kept my cool by going to a happy place in my head and to not get angry at him. I just sat quietly with my arms across my chest, sitting in a foetal position so that he cant reach what he wants. After a while he'd calm down and I could distract him with other stuff, a favourite movie, some cereal, or rice and chicken.
Then came night time. I made sure he finished his dinner, chasing him around the dining room AND the living room to feed him, if that's what it takes. I made sure there was a bottle of milk always ready for him to drink before bed. In the afternoon I made him go out to play with his big brothers, so I knew he would at least be tired, if not full. Just like during the day, there was a lot of crying and begging and screaming and I did the same thing. I turned my back and literally ignored him. I felt so bad about having to do that, but I knew it had to be done. It turned out that it was so difficult afterall. Perhaps it was becuase he was full, or perhaps it was because he was tired, he didnt throw a tantrum for long before he fell asleep on his own.
This went on for a few days, and finally he started to get the picture. No more suckling with me. He started to drink more from the bottle. He'd get very clingy, always whining to be picked up and held, but I take this as a transition phase. Some nights he'd wake up in the middle of the night, crying and reaching for me, but I'd just hug him and pat him back to sleep. These past few nights he has started sleeping through the night, Alhamdulillah. Sometimes he forgets and comes sit in my lap, touch my chest and ask "susu?" looking up at me with his doe eyes and a pleading smile on his lips, but I would smile back and say "No.. Izani big boy now" and distract him with something else and he'd be okay.

Have I lost the closeness?
I dont think so. He's become more affectionate with me now. Climbing on my back and hugging me. Holding my face with both of his tiny hands and voluntarily kissing me. He has even learnt to say "I Love You". (Which is *so* cute.. i really should take a video of it one of these days).
Weaning isn't so bad after all :)

Would you like to share your experience?

Read more on "Wean or Lose?" ...

Attachment Parenting

Have you heard of Attachment Parenting but is too shy to ask its meaning? Or too busy to look it up?

To understand the term you have to ask yourself what the word Attachment means to you?
1) Bond? 2)Closeness? 3)Emotionally Attached? 4) Fond?
If your reply is amongst the above, you are not far off.


With the growing number of mothers (usually stay home) adopting Attachment Parenting, I have taken the direct explanation to the term from a famous family doctor site, by way of explanation. We welcome your additional thoughts/view/comments on the subject.

• Attachment is a special bond between parent and child; a feeling that draws you magnet-like to your baby; a relationship that when felt to its deepest degree causes the mother to feel that the baby is a part of her. This feeling is so strong that, at least in the early months, the attached mother feels complete when she is with her baby and incomplete if they are apart.

• In most families the mother-infant attachment is more obvious. This does not mean that a father can't become deeply attached to the child, but it often seems to be a different type of attachment – not less or better than the mother's, just different.

• Attachment means that a mother and baby are in harmony with each other. Being in harmony with your baby is one of the most fulfilling feelings a mother can ever hope to have. Watch a mother and baby who are attached (in harmony) with each other. When the baby gives a cue, such as crying or facial expressions, signifying a need, the mother, because she is open to the baby's cues, responds.

• Initially, her responses may be a bit strained and not always what the baby needs. But as the mother-baby pair rehearses these cue-response interactions hundreds of times, after a few weeks or months into parenting this cue-response relationship becomes more natural and harmonious. The baby begins to anticipate the response that his mother will give and become further motivated to give more cues, because he learns that he will get a predictable response.

• Because the baby gives the mother the feedback that her mothering is appreciated, the mother-baby pair enjoys each other more. They get used to each other.



Dr Sears.com"> Read more on "Attachment Parenting" ...

Baked Rice

Baked Rice, isn’t this one of the most fail-proof dish and constant option in all Kids menu. Now you can replicate it at home. There are various ways of doing this and easily no wrong way too. You need a little creativity and knowledge of your kids (which all of us have) – so all you need is 25mins.

Basic Ingredients:
Buttered Rice - Fry some onions with lots of butter and add it to your rice. Steam to cook.

Once the above has cooked, transfer to a pyrex/casserole dish and add your preferred ingredients. Top with your favourite cheese, but as usual I would only recommend Cheddar for kids. We use Parmesan and Cheddar for Harris and Gouda, Parmesan and Cheddar for ours. Baked for 15-20mins or cheese melts and turns stringy.

For the picky eaters (like my son), please pick the onions out. It amaze me what one small bit of onion can do, like his world will crumble by biting into it :>

Visit here for other suggested ways to Jazz up your dish to suit your palate. Read more on "Baked Rice" ...